A Remembrance of Things Ed Hardy, Frosted Tips, and the Height of Reality Dating Shows

My wife and I have gone back and watched some of the older dating shows we devoured when we were first dating. Let’s discuss.

We started off with "Daisy of Love". That show was horrible, but endlessly watchable for the two of us. I found myself transporting back in time on this rewatch. We have also gone back and watched "Rock of Love" and "Flavor of Love". Those shows are a little better than "Daisy of Love", but they are still pretty awful. Bret Michaels had a moment in rock music. He was part of the whole hair band that played their version of metal music. Flavor Flav is the hype man for one of the greatest hip hop groups of all time, Public Enemy. Flav was part of something important. Public Enemy is a major group. They're all timers. And while Chuck D has continued his fight against injustice, Flav decided he needed to go on a VH1 dating show, and eventually do some programs with Brigette Nielsen. Oh well. We have just started to watch "I Love Money", which features contestants from the majority of the dating shows that appeared in VH1. "I Love Money" is just as bad as "Daisy of Love". The contestants on the show are dumb and make horrendous decisions over and over again. I also think it's hilarious that they seem to think they invented alliances on game shows. The show is a total mess, but I cannot stop watching.

That's what leads me to my topic of the day. I don't necessarily miss these shows, and I'm stoked they have never tried to revamp any of them, but these shows captured a certain moment in time. These shows were on in the early-ish 2010's, and even though it doesn't seem that long ago, rewatching these shows have brought back so many memories. The amount of Ed Hardy on these shows is wild. I forgot how ugly and ridiculous those clothes were/are, but the people on these shows were wearing it in droves. You can't look at the screen for more than a second before you see a big tiger and that diamond encrusted Ed Hardy logo. It is hideous. There's frosted tips as far as the eye can see. Every single dude seemed to have frosted tips back then. They would put way too much gel in their hair, spike their hair and then you'd see the off color top of their head. It was a look. I never had it, but I know plenty of people who did. I do not think it looks good, but damned if a bunch of people on VH1 dating shows weren't rocking that look. The amount of muscle dudes was wild too. I get it that sometimes muscles can look nice, but when you overdo it, it looks very, very bad. It is clear a ton of these dudes were on steroids, and it is so easy to pick them out of the lineup. We also had far too many dudes with cauliflower ears. I know that MMA and other kinds of fighting were popular at the time, but damn, clean yourself up better after each fight. The ears looked so horrific and filled with bacteria.

The thing I have noticed the most is all the contestants just angling for their own show. This was before being on the internet was all you needed to be famous, so these people were pulling out all the stops. These shows are supposed to be "reality" shows, but everyone plays a part and has a character. There's always the mean one, the nerdy one, the athlete and so on and so forth. There's not one single person that is genuinely being themself. This is the height of really bad, really scripted reality tv. And yet I cannot pull myself away.

I will continue to watch and I will continue to judge. I'm just happy that the streaming devices of today give me the option to watch again. 

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.

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Tracking the Decline of Mankind: "I Love Money" Edition

We are back watching trash

Another day, another old school reality show that I love to talk about. So, after finishing up all of "Flavor of Love" this past weekend, my wife and I were looking for another VH1 "celebreality" show to watch. We decided to pick "I Love Money".

Now, this was more so my pick because I used to LOVE this show. What I love so much about "I Love Money" is how little it takes itself seriously. I mean for starters, the show is called "I Love Money". The contestants are there simply to win 250,000 dollars. Isn't that what being on reality TV is all about? These people want fame and fortune. "I Love Money" is not guaranteeing them fame, but it is giving them a small fortune. I mean, 250k is not a whole lot, but it is nothing to sniff at. That is a quarter of a million dollars. And, when you take away taxes and what not, the winner still took home well over 6 figures. I would gladly take that amount of money any day.

As far as the contestants, they are all former cast members of one of the many "celebreality" shows that VH1 used to offer. We have people from "Flavor of Love", "Rock of Love", "I Love New York", and so on and so forth. It is a real mishmash of the trashy people that peppered these old reality dating shows. And, they have not changed their ways at all. They are all conniving, backstabbing, plotting and forming and breaking alliances. It is truly wonderful, in all of its trashiness. I was saying to my wife the other night while watching that these contestants clearly watched stuff like "Survivor", and really tried to roll with the whole alliance thing. The problem with that, these people are not as smart as some of the former "Survivor" contestants. Also, the "Survivor" contestants were fighting for things like food, a comfy bed and other comforts that we take for advantage. The people on "I Love Money" are fighting for nothing more than a chance to win cash. That is why I like this show more than "Survivor". There are no real stakes at all.

The challenges on this show are hilarious. They take "famous" moments from the past reality shows and make them do some asinine, over the top, stupid ass challenge. For example, one time on "Flavor of Love" season one, a contestant tried to cook an entire chicken in the microwave for Flav's mom. Of course this went horribly. Well, in "I Love Money", they make the contestants fling chickens that were cooked in the microwave over an obstacle, and a group of people have to try and catch them in a net. See, really stupid. Another challenge they have, on the one and only season of "I Love New York", a little person, who they called Midget Mac(again, these shows were so offensive and horrific), couldn't swim and his floaty he had on a river popped and he almost drowned. He was okay though, don't worry. So, on "I Love Money", they make the contestants swim in a river, grab a mannequin that is supposed to look like Mac, save him, put him on a stretcher and pull it to shore. Again, so stupid.

Watching all of this take place has, much like "Flavor of Love", taken me back to a time when these shows were must see TV for me.  I have to say, we are currently on episode 7 of season one of "I Love Money", I am so glad that this was the choice we went with for the second round of "celebreality" shows. It has only reaffirmed how much I truly enjoyed this show over the other ones. Don't get me wrong, I like the dating shows, along with all the silliness. But, "I Love Money" is a whole other level of trash and crassness and craziness and stupidity. It is an amazing show. Much like I said last week while talking about "Flavor of Love", if you have that itch to watch these older reality shows that VH1 used to thrive on, revisit "I Love Money" first. You will instantly remember all the contestants, even if you choose to not watch the other shows beforehand, and you will be so happy that this was the one you went with first.

"I Love Money" is amazing, and you can thank me later after you watch it, and realize that I was not messing around.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. What will Ty watch next? My vote is for "Next".

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The Greatest Television Ever: "The Simpsons" Best Episode, Ever

For our greatest television debate I'm going to talk about my favorite episode of my favorite TV show. By now, everyone knows that I'm a huge fan of "The Simpsons". I've written about the show a lot so far, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. Not only am I going to write about it today, but I will have many posts in the future that will be "Simpsons" centric. That show is the best and I can't say enough great things about it. Just for today I want to tell you all about the most perfect episode of "The Simpsons". This episode is "The Simpsons" at it's absolute best. The episode I'm going to talk about today is "Behind the Laughter", the season 11 finale.

This is their parody of all the "Behind the Music" stuff that VH1 did, but "The Simpsons" do it ten thousand times better. I absolutely love that they took something that is very popular, yet very depressing, and made it hilarious. It is just a perfect episode. The episode opens just like any other "Behind the Music" episode does, with the announcers voice over, explaining the Simpson family humble beginning, even stating that they are from Iowa. It's your typical "Simpsons" episode, Bart is being a terror, Lisa is being shunned, Maggie is being Maggie, Marge is questioning, yet still supporting Homer, and Homer, he brings up the fact that "there aren't any families like ours on TV". Marge then says to the filmographer, "So I told him, piss or get off the pot", where the voice over guy responds, "and piss, he did". This leads us into Homer's pilot episode for his show, "My Funny Family". It's ridiculous, of course. Homer is inviting his boss, played by Bart, over for dinner, he gets a stain on his clothes and he overloads the washing machine with way too much detergent. His catchphrase for his show is "Mamma Mia!", which when he's saying it, he grabs his cheeks, a la Kevin McCallister in "Home Alone". When the washing machine is overflowing, even Maggie does the hands to the cheeks implying that she's saying "Mamma Mia!". Bart is your typical over the top boss, constantly yelling at Homer. Even though he brings this pilot to many TV offices, places like NBC, CBS and even Telemundo, the only one that bites is Fox. I love this because only "The Simpsons" can constantly rag on the network that their show is on and get away with it. Imagine if "Friends" tried to do something like that to NBC when it was on. They would have pulled it in a heart beat. While filming later episodes of the show, Homer is caught strangling Bart, because that's what Homer does, and the people filming and the network execs that are present love it. They tell Homer that he should do this in every episode and he does. After this, as Homer puts it, "horrific act of child abuse", the show becomes a huge hit. The Simpson family is making so much money, Marge exclaims, "we were using 20 dollar bills as toilet paper, and toilet paper as dog toilet paper". There's another scene of their house being flooded by a big dump truck that has the word CAVIAR in big bold letters on the side and another dump truck with the words TOAST POINTS dumping all this into their living room. The family starts to get so famous, they begin merchandising everything, including diaphragms with Marge's face on them. They also start a music career, with their hit song, that sweeps the Grammy's that year, "Simpson Family Boogie". They naturally follow that hit up with a holiday themed album, entitled "Simpson Christmas Boogie", also a huge hit. But, with all the success, fame and money, trouble found them.

See, that is what is so great about this episode, they perfectly ape the ridiculousness that is "Behind the Music". Bart becomes kind of the spoiled bad boy type. He is a parody of a Corey Feldman or MaCauly Caulkin. He's showing up late to couch gags, he's making terrible movies because he has "fair weathered fans to feed" and he even gets himself kicked out as a judge of a beauty contest. He has to go away at some point, and his good friend Richie Rich fills in for his role. Lisa is so upset at what her family has become, she writes a tell all book. She complains that Homer makes her work too much and is giving her anti growth pills. She spills everything on Bart and complains about Marge phoning in some episodes. Marge is just upset that her family is falling apart and she wants everyone to just be nice to one another again. But Homer has the best bad luck. He buys MC Hammer's old house, smashes out the HAMMERTIME written on the front gate and changes it to HOMERTIME, but he's found to be a big time tax evader and he gets everything repossessed. He has also developed a terrible painkiller addiction from doing all his own stunts. He says during this segment, "the stunts were like a drug to me, but what was more like a drug, was the drugs". That's exceptional writing. After he gets clean, he has to take on some pretty awful acting jobs after that, just to pay the taxman. He plays the role of "landlord" in "RENT", and as he tells it, I literally chewed the scenery and holds up a piece of the set that has literal bite marks out of it. Bart goes on to replace Lorenzo Lamas in a "Renegades" remake and that's a disaster. Marge has her own one woman show that she has to perform in dingy bars. And Lisa, she is still spilling the beans on the family to anyone that will listen.

One of my absolute favorite parts is when they sit down to a Thanksgiving meal together. Everyone has brought their own lawyer, and Lisa's lawyer is the biggest badass of them all, yelling "That is assault!", at Marge after she bad mouths Lisa for writing a tell all book. Homer has one of the best lines here too, saying, "it was the best Thanksgiving ever. The emotional distress was terrible, but the gravy", then he does his drooling noise. They split after this. Bart goes to rehab to get his life back together, Lisa goes off and does her own thing, Marge continues her one woman show and Homer finds a new passion, dusting and cleaning sound mixing boards. Then, an awards show hosted by Willie Nelson individually invites the whole family, each member separately, and that's the first time they'd been on stage together in a long time. They begin to sing a song, which turns into a fight, but then Willie Nelson saves the day. He explains that the award show is fake, much to the dismay of a Woody Allen type character, and it was just a rouse to get the family back together again. They relent after they hear the entire crowd chant "HUG! HUG! HUG!", and they go back to normal. They begin shooting the show again, just like they originally had it planned. The episode closes with the family by an editing board, the voice over guy saying that there will be many more "Simpsons" episodes to come, and we hear Homer say, "this will be the last season".

From start to finish, this is, in my opinion, the most perfect episode of "The Simpsons". There is not one dull moment and everything about it is absolutely hilarious. "Behind the Laughter" took me by surprise, but I will still watch it anytime it's on FXX, or whenever I put on my season 11 DVD. When I watch the DVD, I watch that episode at least 5 or 6 times. I love it.

"Behind the Laughter" is not just the best "Simpsons" episode ever, it is the best episode of any TV show, ever.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man podcast. With over 500 episodes, Ty has a couple years worth of Simpson's related tv articles to still write. Make sure you are one of Ty's follows on twitter to hear his true thoughts @tykulik.